When Your Greatest Enemy Is You

Ten years ago, I couldn’t move my right arm, which was a problem because, as it turns out, having mobility in both arms is very useful.

A trip to the doctor confirmed a frozen shoulder, which they say results from an overly ambitious gym routine combined with natural wear and tear on my 44-year-old body.

Or maybe there was no real reason; no one could tell me for sure.

This issue landed me in the physical therapist's office four hours per week for many months. Each visit hurt like hell. I’m talking ‘cussing like a sailor’ kind of pain, which I tried to keep under my breath so as not to scare the other patients. I only tried hitting the therapist once or twice during treatment. We all agreed that I did very well under the circumstances.

My physical therapist explained there was nothing technically wrong with my shoulder in that it could move, but my body was preventing it from doing so to protect me from pain - ironic, I know.

He said if they put me under, they could easily manipulate the shoulder and break up the adhesions around the joint because my body’s defense mechanisms would not be standing in the way.

They call this defense guarding.  

The truth is, we will do just about anything to avoid pain. 

We block out, we shut down, we repress memories, we stay in bad jobs, and we stay in bad relationships.

We lie to ourselves; we lie to others. We tell ourselves things are good when things are crap. Sometimes, we don’t even know we’re doing it.

It’s called denial.

Denial is a guarding of the soul, and it is very powerful. It’s what we do when we don’t have any way to process the realities of life. So, we deny our needs, we deny our feelings, and we medicate so we don’t have to think about it.

We make choices that perpetuate this way of living, never to face our harsh realities. If you let it, denial will steal your life and take away your happiness.  

She didn’t really mean what she said; I know she loves me. I don’t want to hold her accountable and rock the boat. I’ll just do it better next time so she stops yelling. 

He only hits me after he’s been drinking…If I can just keep the alcohol away, things will be ok. Plus, he was really nice last night. 

The problems in our marriage won’t affect the kids. They’ll be fine. I’m sure they hardly notice the fighting - and the distance - between us.

I don’t want to tell anyone how I really feel. It’s better to keep the peace. Who’s in the mood for a brownie?

If you spend your life guarding and living in denial, it will slowly eat away at your soul until there is nothing left.

The situations in your life that cause you pain will not go away; they only come back again in new and improved packaging until you deal with them.  

Nothing changes if nothing changes, and the thing that has to change is you. How you handle these situations determines the things you will and won’t tolerate in your life. 

The process is challenging but not impossible – trust me, it can be done. I’m living proof.

Where are you guarding?  Are there areas in your life where you are in denial?

The first step is getting honest about reality.