Reader Q&A: What Happens When You Embrace Growth
Because nothing changes if nothing changes, you feel me?
Recently, I received a message asking two questions:
“What happened as a result of your willingness to embrace change, and where are you now on this journey?”
I decided to answer the first part in a long-(ish) form because the more you know, right?
We learn from each other’s stories and experiences - sharing our truth is important. I love answering your questions, so continue to ask away!
What happened because of my willingness to embrace growth and change?
In a word, everything. Everything happened. When you’re ready to facilitate real and lasting change in your life, the things (and people) around you begin to shake. Situations not built on a solid foundation crumble - including those inside you. And you choose to either leave them or rebuild them in ways that make sense with the new you.
Here’s the deal – people don’t like change.
As a result, some will attempt to control you or the situation as much as you allow, so they can maintain the status quo. I had to get very strong to stand up to certain people and situations in my life. Relationships are important to me, I had to grow up quickly and learn to communicate and stand up for what I needed without alienating those I care about.
Say what you mean, but don’t say it mean…
I learned how to do this. I’m still learning how to do this.
It’s hard and many uncomfortable situations present themselves, but with each iteration of standing up for myself in a healthy way, I get better at it. I grow, and the next time it’s a little easier.
I think this is the catalyst for what happens during growth because in discovering yourself and speaking your truth, you begin to identify gaps in your character. In other words, the things that hold you back from being your best self determine if more change is in order.
“Why am I feeling this way?” becomes a very powerful question.
As I’ve grown, many people in my life haven’t seen my actions or behaviors as loving or caring. I had to be OK with that. Those who intend to add value to your life (and you in theirs) will find their way back, even if they’re a little ticked about the shakeup you’re creating.
I have a strong sense of spirituality. Before this shift in my consciousness, I was constantly wringing my hands calling out to my higher power: “What should I do?” “Why are things the way they are?” “Why won’t you help me.” On and on it went.
One day, I was shown that God resided in me and I needed to learn to trust myself and the God inside of me. This was the second big shift and with that, it began to change my entire way of thinking.
So much has happened in my life to erode my self-confidence.
There was a time when I didn’t trust myself. I do now. The fruit of this is seen everywhere but I’ll outline some key areas I believe are most important:
Self-Care.
You matter. And, it’s true; you cannot take care of anyone else if you aren’t caring for yourself. As a mother, it is easy (and in some cases, almost expected) to put your kids’ needs ahead of your own. There are instances where you must put others first, but in general, regular daily self-care is not an option. Eating right, exercising, taking time to emotionally recharge, sleep. Everything else can wait.
We create most of the urgency in our lives with minutia and the things that don’t matter. Yes, I said, we create. I’ve established a good routine of self-care. I (try to) give myself the grace not to be perfect and it works. The result is a steadiness – in my weight, energy level, and emotional capacity.
Emotional stability.
I like to call this emotional sobriety. Feelings and emotions are no longer my enemy. I can feel what I need to feel without becoming overwhelmed. I can understand that feelings are just that – feelings. They’re not who I am, but where I am, an indicator of what’s happening inside of me.
There are no bad feelings just like there are no hurt feelings. When you think this way, feelings become a map of sorts, pointing you to the real issue which can quite possibly lead to a beneficial resolution or solution.
I can sit.
Because I’m no longer running from my feelings, I can sit. Sitting is so important. Being is so important. It’s how you connect to yourself, it’s how you connect to God (or your higher power). If you can’t sit and be, you will surely miss out on all the greatness in store for your life.
My children felt safer.
Because I am safer. I am showing my kids they can trust their feelings and they can trust themselves. I am showing them there is a sane way to live that is not consumed by busyness and perfection and ‘doing everything right.’ I am showing them it’s OK to just be. And, they are discovering themselves and how they can use their uniqueness to contribute to this world. Hopefully.
Of course, the true test will come in about 20 years when all the pain comes gushing out and we’ll have to weigh what stuck and what didn’t. Then they’ll probably start writing a blog detailing all the gaps in my parenting – which I will encourage because it will mean they are strong independent thinkers who are not afraid - thus proving I did a good job after all…
Nothing changes if nothing changes, my friends.
Embracing growth is the best decision you can make.
LYLAS -
S