I couldn’t do it anymore.

What do you want to do?

I don’t want to pick up his pieces any longer – I don’t want to continue to clean up the mess from his bad decisions. But I also don’t want to hurt him – and I know he’ll be very hurt (and angry) if I stop.

I didn’t think I should knowingly do things that would disappoint my husband, but instead go along to get along. Values that were taught in my family – they were taught in my church, taught in my community. Peacekeeping was valued over peacemaking and real, authentic relationship.

Yes, he will be hurt – and he’ll feel like you’re abandoning him.

Well, aren’t I?

Yes, you will be essentially.

But the real crime was that I abandoned myself many years prior.

Oh God, I hate you…

I had just stepped into our corporate conference room a few minutes early for a weekly meeting. My co-worker was looking straight at me – it was just the two of us in the room.

You look great again today – every day. Is there ever a time you don’t look this good?

10 years my junior, I like this woman a lot. She is smart and does her job well. She’s single. Her money and her time are both her own. Mine are not. I understood what she meant.

I laughed as I took my seat at the table.

Umm – thanks, I think…

I can’t move my right arm – which is a problem because as it turns out, having mobility in both arms is very useful. A trip to the doctor confirmed a frozen shoulder they say is a result of an overly ambitious gym routine combined with natural wear and tear on my 44 - year - old body. Or maybe there is no real reason, no one can tell me for sure.